Our Obsession with Weakness
What is with our obsession with weakness?
Think about it. Even from a tender age, the constant thing that children hear most of the time is what not to do. They hear this almost every day of their lives from well-meaning parents like myself. On the contrary, the moments where they hear praise are few and far between. In fact, some might have grown up never having heard anything positive about themselves.
When they go into school, what gets the most attention are the Fs on their report cards. What gets most ignored are the “A’s”.
When the guys join the army for national service, they get told to conform, to avoid standing out from the rest. It’s all about uniformity rather than individual expression.
When they go to work, managers and bosses point out their weaknesses. They have euphemistic terms like “Areas for Improvement” (AFIs) that put a positive twist to the real meaning. To which I ask, “to what end?”
All through life, they have been conditioned by a system that focuses on what is bad about them. So why should it come as a surprise that many face huge difficulties in answering questions about what is great about them? In fact, the majority do find it challenging to answer with full confidence and clarity about what exactly IS great about themselves.
What can we do now?
I personally believe that ‘everyone is built for greatness’.
And at every stage of a person’s development, we all need someone on the outside to believe this for us. These people could come in the role of a parent, a teacher, a mentor, a team-member or even a boss. What this does, is that when people start to see greatness in us, we too can start to believe it for ourselves.
If the comments that you make, or the mindset that you possess, lean towards identifying weaknesses — I know I’m guilty as charged — you can stop the chain-reaction and start tipping the scales towards greatness.
As a parent of 5 kids, I find myself using negative parenting when I talk to my kids. I have to put in a lot of effort to change this wiring in my mind. As a boss, I too find it challenging to constantly help my team see the greatness in the small things that they do — to believe in them.
The best step that we can take, moving forward, is to start by “catching people doing right”. When we do this, we definitely should not ignore the glaring weaknesses of others. Rather, our focus should be on intentionally calling out the greatness in others whilst guiding them in managing their weaknesses, and not the other way around.
What can our future look like?
My hope is that in the years to come, our future generations can be fuelled by a new obsession: the obsession to know their strengths and harness it for the benefit of all around them.
